If you do anything of importance or substance, you are bound to make mistakes. If you are lucky it is a small “whoopsie” but believe me there will be the BIG “WOOOPS!!!” coming through every now and then.
Most people agree that you should have the maturity to simply try to rectify it as much as possible, and then move along….
Not always that simple…
Sometimes a mistake can introduce three almost irrevocable consequences:
- Emotive content becomes important when the situation is not based on fact alone and perception, interpretation and historic contributions add to the fuel of the fire.
- Consequential emissions reside when the situation has calmed down and these consequences almost always outlast any situation irrespective of the severity of either.
- Settlement pre-conditions can best be described as parties involved erect barriers which have to be overcome before attempts at resolution can be made.
These can range from understandable to ridiculous, small to insurmountable and from negotiable to cast in stone.
Mistakes also range from pure emotional, social or inter-personal to physical events (e.g. industrial accident). The mistakes that I would like to refer to in this post revolve around the human based ones.
So you overstep a boundary, get angry, say something inappropriate or even make a face or gesture – someone else get all fired up, hurt or humiliated…
Funny thing the present, it changes into the past sooooo quickly. The past is the past; nothing you can do today can repair yesterday… NOTHING…
Dealing with the past is tricky, because people look at the past each with their own sunglasses on (perception guided selective vision), ask anyone to give you their version of the happenings – Man, you will be shocked – You may end up wondering if you were there yourself.
Therefore when you do eventually make a booboo, ACT quickly… Try and resolve things as soon as you can… PERMANENTLY…
If you don’t, get a spade and start digging – probably your own grave…
Some notes on moving on…
Forgiveness is a process… It has steps (that everybody associated has to follow).
- Recognise that YOU (the person you face in the mirror) did something wrong – or contributed to a situation where another eventually ended up doing something wrong.
- Admit this to yourself and the ones affected by it with open honesty and integrity.
- Forgive them for their contributions AND forgive yourself for your own wrong doing.
- Find mutually acceptable methods to deal with the consequences.
- Insert preventative measures to limit the chances that this will happen again.
- Forgetting may be difficult (especially emotional content, consequences and settlement conditions) but try (Very very HARD).
- Keep your word – If you promised that it is over – THEN IT IS OVER…
Mistakes are the things intended to teach us the most wonderful things about ourselves… They expose so much vulnerability and unresolved private issues that it is almost inconceivable that we can grow as individuals without the BENEFIT of mistakes.
- Forgiving Myself: How I’m Making Peace With the Past (chicagonow.com)
- Forgiveness: Forgiving Others Improves Your Life (socyberty.com)
- Learning to Forgive (socyberty.com)